it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
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sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
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He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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