They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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