Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize