im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cat food counts as protein by the way
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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