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His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
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