I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize