When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
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