I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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