Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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