your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize