if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Randomize