She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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