Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
i think im in europe. pls send help
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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