break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
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It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
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you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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