Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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