my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
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Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
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... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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