I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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