I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
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Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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