i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
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Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
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If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize