Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
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I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
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It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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