Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
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I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
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We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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