he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize