I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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