Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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