laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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