My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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