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I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
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