Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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