addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize