so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
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Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
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I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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