sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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