Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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