Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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