I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
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I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
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The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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