ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize