I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
if only i could text you this smell
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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