Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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