3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
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He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
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A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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