Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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