Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
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