And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
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You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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