Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
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Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
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She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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