OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
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I just found puke in my bra..
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
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I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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