I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
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I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
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Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize