I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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