I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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