this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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