So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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