the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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