Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
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Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
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He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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